Nonviolent Communication, or, You can teach an old dog new tricks.

I had an interaction with my adolescent daughter yesterday.
I thought she was trying to get out of school by saying she had a migraine.
(I'll reflect on my tendency toward skepticism later.
For now just chalk it up to my bent psyche & parenting three other teens.)
This happened while I was reading a book my son recommended called Nonviolent Communication.
I'd just read about identifying and expressing our feelings so I went to the long list of feeling words & wrote the ones that described me in my journal...

"I feel skeptical, suspicious, troubled, vexed, pessimistic,
displeased, frustrated, hesitant, confused, annoyed..."
[I haven't achieved the level where my feelings come in alphabetical order.]

I didn't know if I was right or not.
I didn't know if I should say anything or not.
I knew I risked getting into an argument either way.
(And I'm not good at nonviolent communication when I'm arguing).

But I had all these strong feelings.

So I asked her to join me for a private conversation.
I told her I was truly sorry if she had a migraine.
I told her I didn't know how she felt.
I told her how I was feeling. (See list above.)

She then expressed her own list of feelings,
very few of which seemed warm, tender & loving toward her father!
She said, "Dad, with all due respect I feel that you are an idiot."
[Just kidding. She may've thought it but she didn't say it.]
She told me what she thought about school.
It was a nonviolent exchange.
I felt good because I expressed my feelings & thoughts without blaming or accusing.
I felt even better because I could tell things were open & peaceful-- even affectionate between us.

And for the record I was wrong. She did have a migraine.
And she wasn't trying to get out of anything at school.

"...speaking the truth in love...Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully..."
Ephesians 4

We've got a place!

We're going to Florida for Spring Break this year as in other years.
We start daydreaming about beach sounds and squinting in warm sunlight.
The excitement ramped up a couple of notches when we found a condo that was available.
My wife called me. I could hear the excitement in her voice.
"Well, we've got a place!" she said.
Something about having a place down there-- our place-- makes it more real.
More real, more exciting.
Daydreaming gives way to planning. What should we do now in light of then?!

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most
for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next.
It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world
that they have become so ineffective in this.” C. S. Lewis

"There are many rooms in my Father's house...
I am going there to prepare a place for you." (John 14:6)

Does God have a tux?

Barbara Walters had a special that ran just before the Oscars.
She interviewed Hugh Jackman.
He told about singing at Carnegie Hall (search Hugh Jackman & Carnegie Hall on YouTube).
When his dad found out his son was singing at Carnegie Hall he was determined to be there even though he had to travel to New York City from Australia and return the day after the performance.

Hugh told his dad it was a black tie event so to be sure to wear a tux.
Later they changed the dress code and when Hugh found this out he told his dad not to worry about the tux.
The evening of the performance, Hugh Jackman's dad showed up at Carnegie Hall wearing a tuxedo. The only tux in the hall.
"Dad, I told you it wasn't black tie! You didn't need to wear a tux. They changed the dress code."

"Son," his father said (Australian accent),
"if my son's singing at Carnegie Hall, for me it's black tie."
Hugh Jackman's dad sat on the edge of his seat during the whole performance, tears streaming down his face. Proud of his son.

I wonder if God the Father wore a tux when his son died, was buried & rose again...

Can you eat an Oscar?

Barbara Walters had a special before the Academy Awards. She interviewed Mickey Rourke who was up for Best Actor for his performance in The Wrestler.

At the end of the interview she asked what winning an oscar would mean to him. He said it would mean a great deal. That it'd be a tremendous honor. He said it would sum up his comeback in a material way. That must've sparked a contrast in his mind between the material & the spiritual because then he said, "But in the big picture-- you can't eat it, you can't ____ it, and it can't-- it won't get me into heaven."

How 'bout that?

Then what will get Mickey Rourke into heaven if winning an Oscar won't?

"No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven,
the Son of Man.
...that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

(John 3:13-16 ESV)

(I asked Kathleen about the second part of what Mickey Rourke said. The part about not being able to... well I won't repeat it. She said he meant you can't have a personal relationship with an Oscar. Huh. Not only did she know what he meant, she also knew guys often equate what he was talking about with having a relationship. She's smart that way.)